X-Virus-Scanned: clean according to Sophos on Logan.com Return-Path: Sender: To: lml@lancaironline.net Date: Tue, 18 Aug 2009 16:32:39 -0400 Message-ID: X-Original-Return-Path: Received: from nlpi157.prodigy.net ([207.115.36.171] verified) by logan.com (CommuniGate Pro SMTP 5.2.16) with ESMTP id 3817240 for lml@lancaironline.net; Tue, 18 Aug 2009 15:20:50 -0400 Received-SPF: none receiver=logan.com; client-ip=207.115.36.171; envelope-from=Wendell@solesbeeauto.com Received: from userpy6telul28 (adsl-63-197-35-114.dsl.lsan03.pacbell.net [63.197.35.114]) (authenticated bits=0) by nlpi157.prodigy.net (8.13.8 smtpauth/dk/map_regex/8.13.8) with ESMTP id n7IJKBYX018269 for ; Tue, 18 Aug 2009 14:20:11 -0500 X-Original-Message-ID: Reply-To: "Wendell Solesbee" From: "Wendell Solesbee" X-Original-To: "Lancair Mailing List" Subject: Fw: Airplane Exchanges X-Original-Date: Tue, 18 Aug 2009 12:20:12 -0700 Organization: Solesbee Auto Crafts, Inc. MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_005A_01CA1FFE.3C142D70" X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2900.5843 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2900.5579 This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_005A_01CA1FFE.3C142D70 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable ----- Original Message -----=20 From: randall solesbee=20 To: LANNY HENSLEY ; RANDALL ISAMAN ; Kelly ; Jim LaFrance ; Carolyn Long = ; Wendell solesbee ; Robert Vasquez=20 Sent: Monday, August 17, 2009 12:22 PM Subject: Airplane Exchanges Actual exchanges between pilots and control = towers Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 = o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have = digital watches!" ------------------------------------------------------ Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn = right 45 degrees." TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. = How much noise can we make up here?" Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a = 747 makes when it hits a 727?" ------------------------------------------------------ From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very = long takeoff queue: "I'm f....ing bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft = transmitting, identify yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing = bored, not f....ing stupid!" ------------------------------------------------------ O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 = heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound." United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to = say this...I've got the little Fokker in sight." ------------------------------------------------------ A student became lost during a solo = cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, = ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"=20 Student: "When I was number one for takeoff." ------------------------------------------------------ A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had = an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the = end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the = Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return = to the airport." ------------------------------------------------------ A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start = clearance in Munich, overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our = start clearance time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer, = you must speak in English." Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, = flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?" Unknown voice from another plane (in a = beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!" ------------------------------------------------------ Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, = contact Departure on frequency 124.7" Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to = Departure. By the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead = animal on the far end of the runway." Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff = behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy = that report from Eastern 702?"=20 Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for = takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our = caterers." ------------------------------------------------------ One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told = by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The = DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the = Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio = and said,"What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the = insult go by, came back with: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another = landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one." ------------------------------------------------------ The German air controllers at Frankfurt = Airport are renowned for their short tempers. They not only expect one = to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any = assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am = 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control = and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206. Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 = clear of active runway." Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha = One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and = slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you = are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking = up our gate location now." Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird = 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, = but it was dark -- and I didn't land." ------------------------------------------------------ While taxiing at London's Airport, the crew of = a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came = nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out = at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you = going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right = on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the = difference between C and D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, = she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything = up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and = don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi = instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I = tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air = 2771?" "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications = frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. = Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her = current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was = definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence = and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"=20 =20 =20 =20 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -------------------------------------------------------------------------= - =20 ------=_NextPart_000_005A_01CA1FFE.3C142D70 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
 
----- Original Message -----=20
From: randall=20 solesbee
To: LANNY HENSLEY ; RANDALL = ISAMAN ; Kelly ; Jim = LaFrance=20 ; Carolyn Long ; Wendell=20 solesbee ; Robert Vasquez
Sent: Monday, August 17, 2009 12:22 PM
Subject: Airplane Exchanges

 

Actual=20 exchanges between pilots and  control=20 towers

 

Tower: "Delta=20 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6=20 miles!"
Delta=20 351: "Give=20 us another hint!  We=20 have = digital watches!"


Tower: "TWA=20 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45=20 degrees."
TWA=20  2341: "Center,=20 we are  at 35,000 feet.=20  How=20 much noise can we make up=20 here?"
Tower: "Sir,=20 have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when = it hits=20 a 727?"


From=20 an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long = takeoff=20 queue: "I'm=20  f....ing bored!"
Ground Traffic=20  Control: "Last=20  aircraft transmitting, identify yourself = immediately!"
Unknown=20  aircraft: "I=20 said I  was f...ing bored, not f....ing=20 stupid!"


O'Hare=20 Approach Control to a = 747: "United=20 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one = o'clock, three=20 miles, eastbound."
United=20 329: "Approach,=20 I've always wanted to say this...I've got the = little=20 Fokker in sight."


A=20 student became lost during a  solo = cross-country=20 flight. While attempting to locate the = aircraft on=20 radar,  ATC = asked, "What=20 was your last known=20 position?" 
Student: "When=20 I was number one for=20 takeoff."


A=20 DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an = exceedingly long roll out after touching=20 down.  San = Jose=20 Tower noted:
"American=20 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the = runway,=20 if you are able.=20  If=20 you are not  able, take the Guadeloupe exit off=20 Highway 101, make a right at the lights and = return to=20 the airport."


A=20 Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start=20 clearance in Munich, overheard the=20 following:
Lufthansa (in=20 German): "Ground,=20 what  is our start clearance=20 time?"
Ground=20 (in English): "If=20 you want  an answer, you must speak in=20 English."
Lufthansa=20 (in  English): "I=20 am a German, flying a German airplane, in = Germany.=20  Why=20 must I speak English?"
Unknown=20 voice from another plane (in a beautiful = British=20 accent): "Because=20 you lost the bloody = war!"


Tower: "Eastern=20 702, cleared for takeoff, contact =  Departure on=20 frequency 124.7"
Eastern=20  702: "Tower,=20 Eastern 702 switching to Departure.=20  By=20 the way,=20 after we=20 lifted off,=20 we saw some kind of dead animal on the = far end of=20 the runway."
Tower: "Continental=20 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern = 702,=20 contact Departure on frequency 124.7.=20  Did=20 you copy that report from Eastern=20 702?" 
Continental=20 635: "Continental=20 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we = copied=20 Eastern... we've already notified our=20 caterers."


One=20 day the pilot of  a Cherokee 180 was told = by the=20 tower to hold short of the active runway while = a DC-8=20 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned = around,=20 and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some = quick-witted=20 comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and = said,"What  a=20 cute little plane.  Did=20 you make it all by = yourself?"
The=20 Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go = by,=20 came back with: "I=20 made it out of DC-8 parts. =  Another=20 landing like yours and I'll have enough parts = for=20 another one."


The=20 German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are=20 renowned=20 for=20 their=20 short=20 tempers.=20 They not only expect one to know one's gate = parking=20 location, but how to get there without any = assistance=20 from them.  So it was with some amusement = that we=20 (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following = exchange=20 between Frankfurt ground=20 control=20 and=20 a British=20 Airways 747, call = sign Speedbird=20 206.
Speedbird 206: "=20 Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active=20 runway."
Ground:  "Speedbird=20 206. Taxi to gate Alpha=20 One-Seven."
The=20 BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed = to a=20 stop.
Ground: "Speedbird,=20 do you not know where you are=20 going?"
Speedbird  206: "Stand=20 by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location=20 now."
Ground=20 (with=20 arrogant impatience): "Speedbird=20 206, have you not been to Frankfurt=20 before?"
Speedbird 206=20 (coolly): "Yes,=20 twice in 1944, but it was dark -- and I didn't = land."


While=20 taxiing at London's=20 Airport, the crew of a US Air flight = departing = for Ft. Lauderdale made=20 a wrong=20 turn=20 and=20 came nose to nose with a United = 727.
An irate=20 female ground controller = lashed=20 out at the US Air crew,=20 screaming: "US=20 Air 2771, where the hell are you going?=20  I=20 told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway!=20  You=20 turned right on Delta! =  Stop=20 right there.  I=20 know it's difficult for you to tell the = difference=20 between C and D, but get it=20 right!"
Continuing=20 her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now = shouting=20 hysterically: "God!=20  Now you've screwed everything up!=20  It'll=20 take forever to sort this out!=20  You=20 stay right there and don't move till I tell = you to!=20  You=20 can expect progressive taxi instructions in = about half=20 an hour, and I want you to go exactly where=20 I tell you, when I tell you, and how I = tell you!=20  You=20 got that, US Air = 2771?"
"Yes,=20  ma'am," the=20 humbled crew responded.
Naturally, = the ground = control=20 communications frequency fell = terribly=20 silent after the verbal bashing of US Air = 2771.=20  Nobody=20 wanted to chance engaging the irate ground=20 controller in = her=20 current=20 state of mind.  Tension=20 in every cockpit out around Gatwick was<= B>=20 definitely=20 running high.  Just=20 then an unknown pilot broke the silence = and keyed=20 his microphone, asking: "Wasn't=20 I married to you once?" 

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