The only three
things a wingman should ever say are
1. Two's up.
2. Lead, you're on fire.
3. I'll take
the fat chick.
....and in a multi-place aircraft, there are only three things the
copilot should ever say :
1. Nice landing, Sir.
2. I'll buy the first round.
3. I'll take
the fat chick.
As a new copilot, I was told to say these three things, and
otherwise
keep my mouth shut and not touch anything :
1. Clear on the right..
2. Outer (marker) on the double (indicator)
3. I'll eat the chicken..
(Crew meals consisted of one steak and one chicken to avoid
possible
food poisoning
of the cockpit crew).
About Pilots
1. As an aviator in flight you can do anything you want...
As long as it's right.... And we'll let you know if it's right
after
you get down.
2. You can't
fly forever without getting killed.
3. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and one of
them
is:
a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is
your last
flight in an airplane.
b. One day you will walk out to the airplane not knowing that it
is your last
flight in an airplane..
4. Any flight over water in a single engine airplane will
absolutely
guarantee
abnormal engine noises and vibrations.
5. There are Rules and there are Laws. The rules are made by men
who
think that they know better how to fly your airplane than you. The
Laws (of Physics) were made by the Great One. You can, and
sometimes
should,
suspend the Rules but you can never suspend the Laws.
6. More about
Rules
a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better
idea and the
talent to execute it.
b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance.
(e.g.., if you
fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge.)
7. The pilot
is the highest form of life on earth.
8. The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and
aggressiveness.
9. About check
rides
a. The only real objective of a check ride is to complete it and
get the
bastard out of your airplane.
b. It has never occurred to any flight examiner that the examinee
couldn't care less what the examiner's opinion of his flying
ability really
is.
10. The medical profession is the natural enemy of the aviation
profession.
11. The job of the chief pilot is to worry incessantly that his
career
depends solely on the abilities of his aviators to fly their
airplanes
without mishap and that their only minuscule contribution to the
effort
is to bet
their lives on it.
12. Ever notice that the only experts who decree that the age of
the
pilot is over are people who have never flown anything? Also, in
spite of
the intensity of their feelings that the pilot's day is over I
know of no such
expert who has
volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted aircraft.
13. It is absolutely imperative that the pilot be unpredictable.
Rebelliousness is very predictable.
In the end, conforming almost all the time is the best way to be
unpredictable.
14. He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a
pilot; he that
demands one iota more is a fool.
15. If you're going to fly low, do not fly slow! ASW pilots know
this
only too well.
16. It is solely the pilot's responsibility to never let any other
thing touch
his aircraft.
17. If you can learn how to fly as a private pilot and not forget
how
to fly by the time you're a seasoned airline transport
pilot, you
will have
lived a happy life.
18. About
night flying
a. Remember that the airplane doesn't know that it's dark.
b. On a clear, moonless night, never fly between the tanker's
lights.
c. There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at
night.
d. If you're going to night fly, it might as well be in the
weather so you can double count your exposure to both
hazards.
e. Night formation is really an endless series of near misses
in equilibrium with each other.
f. You would have to pay a lot of money at a lot of amusement
parks and perhaps add a few drugs, to get the same blend of
psychedelic
sensations as a single engine night weather flight.
19. One of the most important skills that a pilot must develop is
the
skill to ignore those things that were designed by non-pilots to
get the
pilot's
attention.
20. At the end of the day, the controllers, ops supervisors,
maintenance guys, weather guessers, and birds; they're all trying
to kill
you and your
job is to not let them!
21. The concept of "controlling" airspace with radar is
just a form of
FAA sarcasm directed at pilots to see if they're gullible enough
to swallow
it. Or to put
it another way, when's the last time the FAA ever shot anyone down?
22. Remember that the radio is only an electronic suggestion box
for
the pilot.
Sometimes the only way to clear up a problem is to turn it off.
23. It is a tacit, yet profound admission of the preeminence of
flying
in the hierarchy of the human spirit, that those who seek to
control
aviators via
threats always threaten to take one's wings and not one's life.
24. Remember when flying low and inverted that the rudder still
works
the same old way but hopefully your instructor never taught you
"pull stick
back, plane go
up".
25. Mastering the prohibited maneuvers in the Natops Manual is one
of
the best forms
of aviation life insurance you can get.
26. A tactic done twice is a procedure. (Refer to unpredictability
discussion
above)
27. The aircraft G-limits are only there in case there is another
flight by that particular airplane. If subsequent flights do not
appear
likely, there
are no G-limits.
28. One of the beautiful things about a single piloted aircraft is
the
quality of the
social experience.
29. If a mother has the slightest suspicion that her infant might
grow
up to be a pilot, she had better teach him to put things back
where he got
them.
30. The ultimate responsibility of the pilot is to fulfill the
dreams
of the countless millions of earthbound ancestors who could only
stare
skyward and wish.
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