There may be a little humor
hidden in here somewhere! :-(
IF AIRLINES SOLD PAINT:
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.
Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?
Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different prices
up to $200 a gallon.
Customer: What's the difference in the paint?
Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.
Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint.
Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint? Customer: I want to paint tomorrow.
It's my day off.
Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.
Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?
Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks. But,
you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and
continue painting until at least Sunday.
Customer: You've got to be *&%^#@* kidding!
Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint available.
Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it!
Clerk: But, it doesn't mean that we have paint available. We sell only a
certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the
price per gallon just went to $16. We don't have any more $12 paint.
Customer: The price went up as we were talking?
Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times a day,
and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with your paint yet,
we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase your paint as soon as
possible. How many gallons do you want?
Customer: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six so I'll have enough.
Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy paint and don't use it,
there are penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.
Customer: WHAT?
Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen bathroom, hall and north
bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will lose
your remaining gallons of paint.
Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I already paid
you for it!
Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is used, every
drop. If you don't, it causes us all sorts of problems.
Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if I don't
keep painting until after Saturday night!
Clerk: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically becomes the $200 paint.
Customer: But what are all these, "Paint on sale from $10 a liter" signs?
Clerk: Well that's for our budget paint. It only comes in half-gallons.
One $5 half-gallon will do half a room. The second half-gallon to complete
the room is $20. None of the cans have labels, some are empty and there
are no refunds, even on the empty cans.
Customer: To hell with this! I'll buy what I need somewhere else!
Clerk: I don't think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for your bathroom
and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room from someone else, but you
won't be able to paint your connecting hall and stairway from anyone but
us. And I should point out, sir, that if you paint in only one direction
it will be $300 a gallon.
Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was $200!
Clerk: That's if you paint around the room to the point at which you started.
A hallway is different. Customer: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but
only paint in one direction, you'll confiscate the remaining paint.
Clerk: No, we'll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference on your
next gallon of paint. But I believe you're getting it now, sir.
Customer: You're insane!
Clerk: Thanks for painting with American Airlines.