From: N295VV@aol.com
Message-ID: <2a259879.36a735c9@aol.com>
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1999 09:12:25 EST
To: lancair.list@olsusa.com, redduck@axom.com, Mowarda@aol.com,
        kdavis@hughestech.net, flaps35@inwave.com, Mnbm38@aol.com,
        SRENGR@aol.com, MDJones1@aol.com, RDHARD7@aol.com, tjones@mastnet.net,
        WJones9552@aol.com, tbear@kudos.net, N295VV@aol.com, doyle@bendnet.com
Subject: Re: Flat Tires
Mime-Version: 1.0

          <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<--->>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
          <<  Lancair Builders' Mail List  >>
          <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<--->>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 
>>
From: N295VV@aol.com

Stu Suffern writes:

"Within the past 2 weeks we have had 4 flat tires on our 360. Three 
involved holes in the tube without any corresponding damage to the tire. The 
fourth was a slow leak in the tube. No bubbles were seen when submerged but 
the tube lost pressure in 24 hours. None of the holes could be related 
to pinching during assembly of the wheels. All tubes were purchased ...
within the last four months. Does anyone have any ideas why this is
happening?"


Stu, you had four flat tires?  I'll bet you are a victim of Saddam's secret
Rubber Worm development program. 

I was up to the University of Wisconsin recently, and I  saw a lot of
suspicious looking students who could be Saddam's agents.  I bet they are
releasing rubber worms here! 

It is a really sophisticated  approach by Saddam.  He reasoned that an army
doesn't travel on its belly (an old WW 2 theory broached by cooks) , but
rather armies travel on rubber tires.  So he reallocated some of his funds
from buying antibiotics for sick children to the brilliant Rubber Worm
Program!
 
The worms are cloned by using the latest biotechnology and cloning techniques.
He has a pharmaceutical factory in Ethiopia, yet unbombed, that supplies the
cloning media.  This factory is very happy to supply Saddam, because he was
only buying antibiotics for his extended family, which was getting smaller in
numbers daily because of lead poisoning. Now they are running 24 hour shifts
making cloning media.  Everyone is happy now that the factory is making
cloning media.  The Ethiopians are happy, Saddam is happy, and especially
happy are the Germans, who supply several key chemicals.

The discovery of the rubber worms was an event of serendipity.  I seems that
Saddam had a group of dissenters that he was starving, and several took the
desperate measure of eating the tires from their automobiles....well, you can
imagine the rest.
 
In any event, after successfully developing the Rubber Worm program, Saddam
had to develop a Beta test site, and voila, rubber worms have come to Madison!
Now that your predicament with continuously flat tires has been splattered all
over the internet, we can expect several consequences--the CIA now knows that
he has developed a new threat, and Saddam's agents know that they can bring
our Army and Air Force to a standstill--can't fly planes with flat tires can
we?

It is a real Catch 22.  Without tires inflated, we can't bomb Saddam to stop
the proliferation of rubber worms.  If we managed to send a Tomahawk Cruise
Missle to the plant in Ethiopia, we would have World public opinion criticize
us again.  And you know how we feel about world public opinion...

And Stu, all of this comes about because you have had four flat tires on your
airplane!  The government will be contacting you soon to trace the shipments
of these tires, but I suspect one of Saddam's agents at Madison has
innoculated your hangar with hungry worms.

Be sure to burn the bad tires to prevent the spread of the worms.  This will,
however, require a special permit by the EPA and the Wisconsin Department of
Natural Resources.  Be sure to tell them exactly what is infecting your
tires--Saddam's rubber worms.....

Written this day at Pecatonica, Illinois, 1/21/99
David Jones,
  God, this snow is getting to me, and no, I'm not taking any more of that
damned Lithium!