<<what's confusing is they have an internal resister around
the coil for EMI, but still recommend a free wheeling diode
across a motor or any inductive load..??>>

You can go to the "Aeroelectric" list for discussion of this topic in
excruciating detail, but yes, the idea is to provide a current path for the
current that is built up in the coil when the power is disconnected.  A
resistor certainly can do it, but it also increases the current flow when
energized.  A diode will flow no current energized, but will provide the
desired current path when the switch is opened.  It might be slightly less
reliable than a resistor, but most relays in aircraft are installed with
these "snubber," or "free-wheeling" diodes.  Automotive relays seldom have
these except when electronically switched as automotive electronics are
generally more robust.

Gary Casey
ES project